Explore the transformative power of letting go. Understand the psychological principles behind why it is challenging, discover the benefits it brings, and learn practical steps to release past burdens, embrace the present, and open yourself to new possibilities.
Deeply rooted in the time-honoured concept of nonattachment, central in Daoist and Buddhist philosophy, letting go is a mental journey that entails freeing ourselves from clinging to certain perceptions, allowing for greater emotional flexibility and resilience. Our actions and experiences, imprinted on our souls, often leave lasting marks, making the process of letting go seem daunting. However, by recognising these patterns and their impact, we can explore its transformative power, opening ourselves to new possibilities and growth.
Our filtered life
Before we explore methods to release what holds us back, let’s reflect on how profoundly our perceptions and feelings are influenced by the filters we develop throughout our lives. From childhood to young adulthood, our experiences shape the lenses through which we view the world, guiding how we interpret new situations and people. These mental shortcuts, while useful for learning from the past, can eventually trap us in a cycle of familiar patterns, making it challenging to embrace new perspectives. Moreover, this rigidity can cause significant anxiety, as it limits our ability to process information that diverges from our established views.
Understanding the concept of “letting go”
Letting go touches many aspects of our lives, from bad habits and unattainable dreams to painful memories and failed relationships. Mind, however, that contrary to popular belief, it is not about ignoring or suppressing emotions. Instead, letting go involves stepping back, observing the thoughts and feelings that dominate our lives from that distance, and making an effort to think outside that box. By developing a curiosity about our experiences from a detached perspective, we can accept our emotions while consciously shifting our focus to new viewpoints. This practice is a gradual, ongoing process, requiring consistent effort to release the hold of past experiences and embrace growth.
Why is letting go so hard?
Few among us would casually shrug and say, “Sure, I let go.” Deep down, most of us harbor a fear – or at the very least, a strong aversion – toward facing the unknown that is likely to follow. A psychological concept introduced by Leon Festinger in the late 1950s, known as cognitive dissonance, explains our discomfort with internal inconsistencies. For instance, if life experiences lead you to believe ‘I am not good enough’, any success you achieve creates dissonance, as it contradicts your self-perception. To resolve this conflict, you might attribute said success to luck or downplay your abilities.
Our minds favour familiar narratives to avoid anxiety, even if these beliefs hinder us, explaining why we cling to the past – past memories, experiences, relationships – to shield ourselves from potential future pain. Almost ironically, this attachment often results in greater suffering, as it stifles our growth and blocks new opportunities. Recognising and confronting these mental habits is essential to truly letting go and embracing a more fulfilling future.
How to let go
Understanding the importance of letting go is one thing, but applying strategies to achieve it is another. Here are four meditation-based steps to help us release what no longer serves us:
- Self-Reflection & re-framing: Identify what you are holding onto and recognise the need to release it. Re-frame your perspective to see yourself in a more empowered light.
- Acceptance: Embrace the reality of situations, especially when closure is unattainable, allowing for a more compassionate stance toward yourself and others.
- (Self-) Forgiveness: Let go of pain by forgiving others and yourself, freeing yourself from past burdens.
- Identify what makes you happy: Focus on activities and people that bring you joy, and let go of resentment and anger. Choose to find happiness in the positive aspects of your life.
- Live in the Present: Be mindful of the present moment, using past lessons only to guide your current actions without judgment.
Additionally, for those struggling to let go, reminders of our limited time on earth can be beneficial. Engaging in carpe diem and memento mori exercises can help keep our mortality in focus and inspire us to live fully.
Conclusion
Letting go is a nuanced journey, often requiring the guidance of therapeutic approaches tailored to individual life experiences. Psychologists understand that each person’s path is shaped by their unique history, and thus, various methods are employed to facilitate release. Some therapies revisit early childhood, addressing past traumas that impact current relationships and well-being. Others focus on the present, helping clients connect to their goals and values. The effectiveness of these approaches hinges on the personal narratives and specific needs of each client.
Whichever path you take, remember to be patient with yourself. Letting go is a gradual process and a practiced skill. With it comes peace and better health, achieved one day at a time. If you need support, our experts are here to help – reach out to us today.
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