Repairing and Rebuilding Relationships in Recovery

December 26, 2023 | By NEOVIVA

Addiction does not just affect the life of an individual. The battle with addiction leaves a trail of damaged relationships in its wake: families that may have been torn apart, best friends no longer on speaking terms, spouses and partners who could not take it anymore. Read on to learn how these relationships can be mended.

According to the United Nations, approximately 35 million people globally are affected by substance use disorders (SUD). However, considering the extensive toll addiction takes on relationships, the actual number is likely much higher. While addiction is commonly referred to as a “family disease,” the term “relationship disease” may resonate more deeply.

Mend yourself first

Addiction often triggers significant changes in behaviour, making it increasingly challenging for your family, partner, and friends to recognise you. Some of them may seek professional help for themselves in this turmoil, others become enablers, and some simply turn away. If you wish to heal and rebuild trust, seeking treatment would be the first step. In this process, you not only learn to lead a healthy life but also understand the work and patience required to address the aftermath of past destructive conflicts.

Broken beyond repair?

Upon completing your treatment program, it is time to take action. Although you may be convinced that certain relationships are irreparably damaged, be patient and reach out. Mending relationships and reconnecting are not easy, but they are an essential part of your life in recovery.

While the specific approach to reconnecting depends on the nature of the relationship – whether it involves parents, children, a spouse or partner, or close friends. Regardless, it is essential to be aware of key commonalities and tailor your approach:

No relationship without trust

When it comes to relationships, “trust” is the magic word. When trust is repeatedly violated, relationships can break. Have you reflected on the numerous promises left unfulfilled during the period when you struggled with SUD? How often did you let your friends down? How many times did they depend on you, only to be disappointed? Before attempting to fix what is damaged, it is crucial to recognise and acknowledge the hurtful impact of your actions on others. Chances are that you have faced denial in the past. To regain trust, you need to be honest not only about your present but also about your past. Take the initiative to reach out, to apologise to those you have wronged and earnestly ask for forgiveness.

Be patient and purposeful

Let your loved ones know that you are in recovery and that you want to mend what is broken. Then, allow time for trust to regrow gradually. Don’t anticipate a simple apology to transform the situation dramatically. Demonstrate your commitment to your newfound sober life via actions rather than words. Start by nurturing honesty and integrity as a way to protect and strengthen relationships during the sensitive period of early recovery. Instead of hastily making commitments that cannot be kept and may further weaken your relationships, be transparent with your loved ones about your limitations.

Be prepared for resistance

The truth is: certain relationships may be irreparable. As you navigate your early recovery, you will come to understand that things have changed, dynamics have shifted, and emotions have evolved. People moved on in various ways during your time in treatment. Maybe someone who felt unsafe around you now feels emotionally safer without your presence in their life. You may need to accept the possibility that some relationships may not recover from the harm caused by your addictive behaviour. Rather than allowing this outcome to dishearten you, perhaps you can use the experience as an opportunity for personal growth.

Let go of toxic relationships

Rebuilding your life after overcoming addiction may also entail a potential change in your perspective of others. While positive relationships can contribute to your strength, unhealthy ones can harm your recovery. Nevertheless, deciding to distance yourself from someone or even cut them out of your life is never an easy decision. Rather, you may wish to  rebuild the relationship. The traits listed below are toxic, particularly for someone in recovery. If you identify any of the following red flags, chances are high that this relationship is harmful:

• «Users and Pretenders» exploit your friendship for personal gain, consistently undermining you and ensuring things go their way.
• «Drama Queens / Kings» thrive on creating turmoil and chaos, actively introducing stress into your life while avoiding accountability for their actions. They disregard your boundaries without hesitation.[i]
• «Belittlers» mock you and downplay your achievements. Some may even continue to use drugs in your presence despite knowing about your recovery, openly questioning your ability to maintain sobriety.[ii]
• «Shamers» are highly critical, often referencing past incidents where your behaviour was affected by SUD. They manipulate situations to make you feel indebted to them.[iii]

Walk the walk

In addition to receiving support and guidance from peers or counsellors, actively participating in support groups or attending outpatient aftercare treatment consistently demonstrates your sincere commitment to recovery.

You don’t have to go through this alone

NEOVIVA’s treatment programmes do not end once you leave our clinic. Tailored to your individual needs, our services encompass ongoing aftercare counselling, participation in peer groups, and transitional living support.  You will be facing, tackling and overcoming the challenges of repairing relationships with your loved ones. If our treatment approach resonates with you, please do not hesitate to reach out and contact us.