My Former Perspective on Recovery
Before finding long-term recovery, I had many misconceptions about what abstinence meant. I believed that life without drugs and alcohol would be dull, meaningless, and devoid of joy. I couldn’t imagine a future where I would willingly give up substances without feeling as though I was sacrificing something essential. The idea of never drinking or using again felt like a prison sentence, something I had to endure rather than something that could set me free.
In my mind, staying sober was simply about tolerating life. I saw recovery as a constant struggle, a test of willpower where the main goal was to resist the urge to use. With each relapse, the consequences became more severe, not just for me but for the people around me. The growing harm pushed me toward seeking help, but even then, I found myself stuck between a rock and a hard place. I knew I couldn’t keep living the way I was, but I also couldn’t imagine being truly happy without substances.
One of the biggest mental barriers for me was the idea of being “powerless.” I rejected it outright. I saw it as an admission of defeat, as though I conceded that I had no control over my life. Ironically, I used this rejection to justify my relapses. If I wasn’t powerless, then surely, I could manage my substance use on my own. Each time I told myself that, I ended up back in the cycle of addiction, proving to myself over and over again that my thinking was flawed.
How My Perspective Changed
As I see it now, recovery is the complete opposite of what I once imagined. Instead of a life of restriction, it is a life of freedom. I am no longer controlled by the need to use. I don’t have to plan my days around substances, worry about the next fix, or live in constant fear of the consequences of my actions. Instead, I am present for my own life. I get to experience the highs and lows with clarity rather than numbing myself to reality.
Accepting that I am powerless over drugs and alcohol was not a loss of control; it was the ultimate act of reclaiming my life. Once I truly embraced this idea, I found empowerment in every other area of my life. I was no longer fighting an unwinnable battle. Instead, I was free to focus on what really mattered: building relationships, growing as a person, and finding fulfilment in ways I never thought possible.
One of the greatest gifts of my recovery has been the relief from guilt and shame. Addiction kept me trapped in a cycle of regret, constantly replaying my past mistakes and feeling unworthy of happiness. Recovery has allowed me to let go of that weight. I now understand that my worth is not defined by my past but by my present actions and the choices I make each day.
The Key Takeaway
The shift in my perspective did not happen overnight. It took time, multiple attempts, and a willingness to open myself up to internal change. This struggle is not surprising. Letting go of something that once felt essential is never easy. Once I truly embraced the idea that recovery wasn’t something to endure, but something infinitely better than using, everything changed.
At NEOVIVA, we recognise that every individual’s journey is unique. My experience has led me to a deep appreciation of abstinence-based recovery. However, we understand that each person must find their own path. What I hope to share is that recovery is not about losing something, it is about gaining everything. The life I have today is one I never thought possible, and for that, I am grateful every single day.
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